Tuesday, 15 July 2014

Busy Bee

Hi all! Sorry it's been so long since I've posted but depression, anxiety, and life in general has got in the way. I don't really like to talk about my mental illness a lot because I often get the "half-smile" response, which basically means they either don't understand or they think I'm lying. Either way I don't care because they don't live my life day to day or sit up at night while fight another random panic attack. Not everyone is like this and I have lots of friends who suffer too. It's great when you have friends who understand because the world isn't such a closed door anymore.

 Anyway to get to the point, for months I've been fighting my agoraphobia and anxiety to go out and meet people. At first it was utterly terrifying and after an hour I'd would to run home and hide in my bedroom where I felt safe but gradually things changed and I made friends. I joined a knitting group and learned to crochet and knit, while making new friends at the same time. This group above all others was a stepping stone to helping me feel confident in society again. With this new found confidence, I enrolled for a sewing class at college and made more friends. My confidence level kept going up each step, then I got the flu.

The flu knocked me for six and scrambled my brains but what it did do is force me to be in bed and so I started reading again. In the two weeks I was sick I read numerous books and it brought back the writing bug. As soon as I got better I started writing again, nothing special but little bits and bobs. My anxiety and depression fought to keep me miserable, so I decided to take up running again. Running instantly helped, when I run my problems can't follow me, It's just me, my dog and nature. I joined a mental health group which was good to talk about my problems and they told me a about a local writing group.

I now attend the writing group every week and I love it. It's the kick I needed to believe in myself. The people are lovely and the stories and poems they create are amazing. Whilst chatting to a lad there, he mentioned that he had just graduated from a creative writing degree, he told me all about it and I was fascinated. He said he didn't have the grades from school to get on the course so he did a course called Step Up to HE. I went home straight after the group and rang Staffordshire Uni and enquirer about Step Up and Creative Writing. A week later I had an interview and a week after that I was on the course.

I've just finished the 6 week fast track course and I'm waiting for my results. I got a First for my first assignment, so I'm quietly confident. I never thought I'd feel this confident with studying again. The course really helped me build my confidence, slowly easing me back into academic writing.

Whilst on the course I applied for the Creative Writing BA and I was accepted! *huge grin* I can't believe it, I want to pinch myself. I'm going to be studying a degree, which is what I've wanted to do for years and in a subject I love. I'm beyond thrilled. The great thing is, there is lots of support for students with mental illness, so I don't have to worry about that at least. So come September, I'm going to be a student. Hopefully that means I'll have lots to post here.

So that's where I've been and what I've been up to for the last year. Hope you forgive me for my absence.

Nancy  xxx

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

Goodbye Facebook

After much umming and ahhing I've decided to leave Facebook. Most would assume I do this because I spend to much time on it but it was the opposite.I only really logged on to see funny pictures and catch up with a few friends
Nosy acquaintances and old school friends I didn't have the heart to unfriend, drove me mad too. I blocked quite a few but more kept popping up. I just don't have time for their drama, I have enough drama in my life as it is.
So goodbye Facebook, I won't miss you because I have been having an affair with Twitter for years now and it's better in bed than you!

Monday, 8 October 2012

Back to the writing

Today I decided to dust off the laptop and use it for something other than checking Twitter and looking at cat pictures.
I first had to find the file that held my novel. This may sound simple but I found 18 files with the same name and various contents. After an hour of searching for bits and bobs I lost the will to live. When I opened the proper file, I found some of it missing so I had to rewrite it to make it fit a scene I'd wrote to go with the missing scene. By the end of all that I wanted to scream, bang my head against the wall, then eat all the chocolate in the local shop.
Writing isn't always easy, sometimes it's like trying to put an octopus into a string bag. Today I'd rather have done that, pass me the octopus please.

Saturday, 30 June 2012

Back Tweeting

I couldn't even last a bloody week. I'm useless. In my defense, it has been a really stressful week and I needed someone to talk to.
My Nan has gone to my brother's house, so that's one stressor gone. My daughter is feeling better after having tonsililitis and that means more sleep thank god. Teen has been grounded due to getting drunk with his friends the other night, he's now my bitch for a week and I have no housework. Things are really looking up.
On the creative side, I've got didly squat done. I did manage to get some research done and I thought about doing a rewrite on my erotic romance but I've changed my mind. I'll worry about sex scenes in the edit when I'm finished.The laptop battery has died today so I need a new one, I wish I just had my own laptop, I'm sick of having to wrestle it off the kids. Hopefully after holiday I can afford one.
Anyway I'm ready to relax with a good book. I really hope one day someone will relax with mine.

Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Stabbity Stab Stab

I'm sat here wondering if I could possibly get the funds to bugger off to a deserted island. Family huh?! You can't kill them, you have to suffer them or move to Antarctica (Suffering it is, I bloody hate the cold).
My Nan is visiting for few days and already I've lost the will to live. Her words words were "What date did your mom die?". It kinda went downhill from there. It's been four years since my mom died but it's all she seems to want to talk about. It's sad my mom died but it's life, I get upset sometimes but she seems to go on and on. I know she's lonely but she has tonnes of friends and family down there and she's always on holiday. I can't fill my mom's shoes, nobody can, she was a beacon of fun and madness. My Nan needs to accept her death and move on, I have.
It drives me crazy when she invites herself up for a week, I get precious little time to myself as it is. I then have to cook, clean and entertain for someone who doesn't appreciate it and puts me down. I got the "when are you going to lose weight?" question again. I often feel like saying never, to see the sour look I'd get.
I'm meeting her tomorrow to go clothes shopping, which is a close second to having bamboo shoved under my fingernails. I'm praying time will go fast.

Really Amazon?!

I was looking for a new cookbook to add to my ridiculously huge collection today and I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the related items box. Yes apparently batch cooking is very similar to badly written BDSM. Who knew? Check out the pic below if you don't believe me.

Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Got the Jitters

<p>&lt;p&gt;It's only been a few hours and I'm already desperate to check Twitter and Facebook.How rubbish am I?!&lt;br&gt;<br>
I just watched The Grey with yummy Liam Neeson starring. I really enjoyed it despite the fact it was totally unrealistic. I love disaster movies though. I like predicting who will die next and also thinking how I'd have done better. The truth is I'd have died straight away cause I hate the bloody cold, I couldn't even go camping without throwing a hissy fit over portaloos and rain. Altogether good film though. It had all the cliches but I like that. &lt;br&gt;<br>
Got to get to bed early tonight, I have to take my daughter to the hospital early tomorrow despite her having a raging fever. I was going to cancel but the waiting list to see another doctor could be months. I really hope she gets better soon because she's really miserable, poor sod. <br>
On another note Nanageddon starts tomorrow too, three days with the most miserable, selfish woman I've met. Pray for me cause I need the strength.
Time to read and drift off.  Catch you later.

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